Doing comedy is some people’s biggest fear. Other people’s biggest fear is watching somebody do comedy. For something that is supposed to be fun, it creates an awful lot of stress. But often, bad comedy is stressful. And bad is exactly what I did for the first time in Bogotá.
And to be clear, it was bad. Like really bad. Like I wouldn’t want anyone to have to sit through it bad. I mean, I’m good at comedy. Maybe not the best, well, not yet, anyway. Except I had to write new jokes in Spanish or translate jokes that worked in English and seemed to fail in Spanish.
And I had time to prepare. This wasn’t some spur-of-the-moment thing. I had a solid week to plan.
I told the comedian at El Chorro that I was going to come back to perform the next day. But when I woke up, it felt like my insides were going to rupture. Don’t worry, mom, it was fine. I’m fine. Except I felt so angry at myself. Like maybe I wasn’t committed enough to comedy. Like why wasn’t I ready to poop myself in front of a bunch of strangers? Now that would be a way better story. Which, not to ruin the suspense of this post, doesn’t happen. But imagine that headline!
“Comedian poops himself on stage, not even as a joke.” I guess it’s not like the most likely news story, but still.
A week later, on Thursday, I was ready to go. I had written a few jokes, my poops were the right amount of firm, and I translated some old material. I had even tried it on a girl from Germany. She said it was very funny, and if nobody laughed, she would laugh all the harder. But she didn’t come. Nobody did. I did it alone. The way comedy is meant to be performed.
That is something that a lot of beginning comedians do. And it’s a mistake. Don’t invite people to your performance. Because you will be bad. And those people you invited? They won’t come again. Invite them later when you are better. For example, I had some friends come to see me when I first started.
“I’m sorry you guys had to see me bomb.”
“We didn’t think you bombed,” Katie told me, looking around at the rest as if to rally support.
“Did anyone laugh?” I asked.
“Well… No.”
A few months later, they came to another performance where I definitely didn’t bomb. I asked them from the stage how they thought I did, which was a bit rude, but whatever.
“Improved,” Katie said. Everyone laughed. Possibly more than during my own jokes.
I got on stage. Or rather, walked out to an audience of Spanish speakers. Is anyone afraid of public speaking? How about speaking another language to people that are fluent in that language? Now try combining them together. Not a good idea. I mean, it’s what I want my career to be. It already is. Kind of. I have made money. Not like a lot. Certainly not enough to quit my day job. Although now that I think about it, I already did that.
I didn’t do as bad as I could possibly do. I did get one big laugh.
“Hola,” I said.
“Hola,” the audience responded.
I laughed, surprised. Then they laughed.
And then I bomb for 3-4 minutes.
“Was that your first time?” One of the comedians asked after.
Never a good question to get. It usually implies that what they saw was so bad they can only imagine that it came from someone that had absolutely no experience whatsoever.
Although probably the funniest comment was when another comedian approached me after a show.
“Hey man, don’t quit comedy,” he said. As if the only possible reaction he could imagine after seeing what I had done was that I never do what just happened again. Which is actually unfair. He was genuinely being nice. I just can’t take a compliment.
Like I had another comedian come up and tell me.
“Dude, I love your stage presence.”
And you know what I thought? Immediately. He hates my jokes.
I always forget how hard standup is when I don’t do it for a while. But I walked back to the hostel, feeling energized.
“How’d it go,” somebody in the hostel asked.
“Really bad,” I said.
“Well, maybe they just didn’t understand what you were saying.”
“No, my Spanish is good enough that they knew exactly what I was saying. They just didn’t think it was funny.”
“Well, at least you did it.” He said.
“And I’m gonna do it again.”
And I did do it. I even had one joke that did okay. Here it is.
Mi español no es perfecto asi que cuando voy a los restaurantes digo.
Mi: Puedo pegarte?
Mesero: no, no puedes pegarm! puedes pagarme
Mi: oh lo siento, cuantos dolores quieres
Mesero: ningunos dolores, quiero dolares
Mi: oh lo siento no tengo dinero
Mesero: okay voy a pegarte
I showed your joke to my Spanish speaking friend and she thought it was very good. Her exact words – “HAHA that’s funny😂”
If only she had been in the audience that time!